One On One Conversations

“So I just meet with them?” A second year principal asked me.

“Yes.” I responded.

“With no agenda?” She pushed.

“Correct.” I answer.

A pause.

“They are the agenda.” I explained.

Schools are awash in formalized conversations. They are a myriad of evaluative checkpoints where administrators and teachers are ​forced to spend time with each other reviewing frameworks. Frameworks designed to help ensure that educators are educating ​effectively.

There are pre-observation conferences and post-observation conferences. There are beginning, middle, and end of year ​conferences. There are conferences around individual development plans. There are conferences if a Principal places a teacher on ​a PIP.

Each of these conferences is meticulously planned out by districts, states, and unions. Each one of these discussions focuses on ​students, instruction, and data.

Yet, not one of these is designed to discuss the teacher of those students. None of them are places for honest and ongoing ​conversation. Personal touches. Humanity. Caring.

In an organization where teachers are often clear on how important their learning objectives are to their administrators, they are ​often much less aware of how important their personal growth and wellbeing is to the same folks.

This is why scheduled, consistent, one on one conversations are vital to creating a positive school culture where educators can ​develop as people and as professionals. One on one conversations can be an oasis for school staff. There can be a place for ​connection, for laughter, and for tears. They are a place where leaders can go beyond phrases like, “I hear you,” and delve into the ​actual listening.

They can be a place where a Principal or Assistant Principal becomes a mentor instead of an evaluator.

We used one on one conversations as a way to ensure that we were all continually growing. Teachers shared personal stories that ​led me to be a better empathizer. They shared ideas that would eventually become school wide initiatives. We grew in directions ​that neither of us had thought of because we had the chance to consistently talk about all the things that mattered most to us.

These meetings are just like jazz – there is always a structure, but the beauty is often found in the spaces between the notes.

Creating The Space For Conversation

Let each person know that they’re not in trouble. Seriously, you’ll be amazed by how many adults initially believe that they are ​meeting with the Principal because they have done something wrong. Ensure they know that this will be an ongoing conversation. ​Each week they will have time to share about the things that are pertinent to them – whether they are personal or professional. ​This also means that if they have non-urgent topics that they want to talk about during the week, they can hold them for these ​meetings. Be clear that these discussions are non-evaluative. They are an extension of the same idea that we know holds true for ​teachers and students, “Relationships matter.” Much like a therapist’s office, confidentiality is king.

Unlearning Formality

For some leaders, unlearning the formality of frameworks, conferences, and evaluations will be difficult. There are countless texts ​on “Courageous Conversations,” but not as many on how to make ones feel casual or intimate. In the beginning, leaders need to ​unlearn efficiency and formality. These sessions will do a lot more than check a box.

This is a time where each adult can drop the pretense that they are always okay and speak plainly. It’s a chance to chat openly and ​honestly on topics ranging from their cat’s name to how they’re struggling to get through to Katie in math class. Teachers aren’t ​sharing because there is a box on the form that says to, but because they trust their leader enough to seek their insight and ​support.

There can be problems without solutions. There can be conversations without action plans. There can be messy real life situations ​that need to be expressed. This is a space where people can be their full and authentic selves.

Pro-Tip: Always have tissues handy during these meetings. People will cry and that is okay.

Evolution vs. Goal Setting

This is not a time to write down SMART goals. These conversations are not for building a better algorithm. They are intentionally ​designed to allow teachers a place to share about what they want for their students and what they want for themselves. Together, ​teachers and I have processed love, divorce, grief, and the adventure that is raising your own children. Teachers have shared that ​they want more chances to be leaders or said that systems that we have in place are ineffective. Teachers have said that they want ​to go back to school to become Physical Therapists or Doctors.

Whatever they have shared, a leader’s job becomes supporting them to get there – even when they doubt the journey themselves. ​Even if it means that they will leave your school.

This is also where leaders can have the needed conversations. Their staff will be much more likely to hear challenging feedback ​when it comes in the midst of an ongoing and consistent conversation. Hard conversations aren’t that difficult when you’re talking ​all the time.

These conversations exist because growth is rarely a straight line. Principals can be mentors and coaches. By doing so, they model ​how they want our teachers to be for our children.

Scheduling

Each school is different so scheduling will be determined by what is possible. It is important to remember that these conversations ​don’t have to be a whole school initiative. Perhaps you begin with new teachers. Maybe you start with folks who are noticeably ​struggling. You could even initiate a random cross-section to see how it goes.

You can do the same thing with frequency and duration. The point is that the conversations are scheduled and consistent. That is ​how we build trust. That is how we feel comfortable sharing.

One on one discussions aren’t another meeting. They are THE meeting to have if you can only have one. They are where the real ​professional development is done. They are team building and leadership training. They are where we build foundations and build ​trust.

They are the key to ensuring that we’re always growing and developing so that we can be at our best – for ourselves, for our ​children, and for each other.

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